A Lakota emotional-intelligence teaching

Pause.
Breathe.
Choose.

Strong emotions are human. The goal is not to deny what you feel. The goal is to create enough space to respond with awareness, responsibility, courage, and compassion.

Read the Teaching Begin the Exercise

Youth participating together in a community activity — Energy can be directed. A pause helps us choose where it goes next.

One usable teaching at a time

Carry strong emotions with wisdom

Learn the five steps, then practice them during real moments of pressure, hurt, conflict, fear, or frustration.

Step One

Híŋyaŋka Pause • Hold on

When a strong emotion rises, we do not have to react immediately.

Pause before speaking.
Pause before sending the message.
Pause before walking into conflict.
Pause before making a choice that may cause harm.

A pause is not weakness. A pause gives your wisdom time to catch up with your emotions.

Step Two

Niyá Breathe

Place both feet on the ground.
Slowly breathe in through your nose.
Hold the breath for a moment.
Slowly release it through your mouth.
Repeat this three times.

Your breath gives your mind and body time to settle. Treat each breath as an opportunity to begin again.

Step Three

Naȟ’úŋ Listen

Listen to what is happening around you. Then listen inside yourself.

What am I feeling?
What caused this feeling?
What is my body telling me?
What do I need right now?
What might the other person be feeling?

Listening does not mean that you agree. It means you are gathering understanding before you respond.

Turquoise Tiospaye community gathering — Reflection, connection, and community strengthen the choices we make.

Step Four

Awíyukčaŋ Think about it

Strong feelings contain information, but they should not make every decision. Before acting, think about the possible results.

Will my next action help or cause more harm?
Am I responding to what happened today—or to an old wound?
What will happen five minutes from now?
What might happen tomorrow?
Will I be proud of this decision later?

Thinking creates space between an emotion and an action.

Step Five

Wóksape Wisdom

Wisdom is using what you know to make a better choice.

You can feel angry without becoming violent.
You can feel hurt without hurting someone else.
You can disagree without disrespecting another person.
You can leave a situation without losing your dignity.
You can ask for help without being weak.

Choose with wisdom: Protect your values, your future, your relatives, and your community.

The five-step practice

Carry the teaching into your next choice

1. Híŋyaŋka — Pause
Do not react immediately.
2. Niyá — Breathe
Take three slow breaths.
3. Naȟ’úŋ — Listen
Notice your feelings, your body, and the situation.
4. Awíyukčaŋ — Think
Consider the costs, benefits, and possible consequences.
5. Choose with Wóksape
Choose the response that protects what matters.

Practice statement

I still control my next choice.

I can pause.
I can breathe.
I can listen to what I am feeling.
I can think before I act.
I can choose a response that reflects my values.
My emotions are powerful, but they do not have to control my actions.

Interactive practice

Pause, breathe, and choose your next healthy action

1. Pause 2. Breathe 3. Choose

Pause

Stop for a moment. You do not have to solve everything immediately. Notice the situation without judging yourself.

What happened, and what are you feeling right now?

Your answer stays in this browser and is not submitted to Turquoise Tiospaye.

Breathe

Follow the circle through three slow breathing cycles. Breathe in as it expands, hold gently, and breathe out as it returns.

Give yourself permission to slow down.

Choose

You still control your next action. Choose a response that protects your values, your future, your relatives, and your community.

Which response best reflects your values?

Write your own next step: